Day Twenty- The Strong-Willed Child

I first learned about the strong-willed child in one of my child psychology classes in college.  The information presented at that time painted a pretty dismal picture of what it meant to deal with this temperament.  Stubborn, obstinate, rebellious, virtually impossible to discipline- not an attractive list of characteristics.  The parents of these children were endlessly frustrated and exhausted.  I was happy to move on from this subject of study.

And then I gave birth to my very own strong-willed child.

From the moment she came on the scene, my oldest daughter was determined to do life on her own terms.  There wasn’t a passive bone in her body.  As she grew, I saw more and more of those strong-willed traits come to light.  She was stubborn, obstinate, rebellious against our leading, and she was so difficult to discipline.  I read every book I could find, tried every technique, and cried buckets of tears.  There I was, just like the child psychology course said I would be, endlessly frustrated and exhausted.

When my daughter was three, I received the most wonderful nugget of wisdom from the wife of our children’s pastor at church.  She told me that the most frustrating traits in our children are also usually their God-given strengths, just out of balance.  If we can help them make adjustments, then these negatives will become positives.  Her words helped me gain a whole new perspective!

I began to see how this temperament could really be an asset to my daughter.  Pointed in the right direction, she would not fall victim to peer pressure.  She would not be easily persuaded to walk away from truth. She would grab onto what is right and just and never let go.  She would persevere in the face of extreme difficulty. I began to feel hopeful about the future, which is only right because my daughter’s name is Hope!

I wish I could tell you that everything was easy from that point on, but it wasn’t.  In fact, we went through seasons where it actually felt like it was getting worse.  But there were some breakthroughs along the way.  And as she grew and changed, we also grew and changed. We started to see those negatives transform into positives and we have shared many happy, wonderful times together.  She was not a rebellious teenager and she had no trouble walking away from peer pressure.  Those God-given strengths were becoming fully-developed in her.  Today she is a confident and beautiful woman of God who is passionately pursuing her dreams. I am truly blessed to be her mother!

Do not despise the strong-willed child! Yes, there are challenges, but when everything comes back into balance as it should, there is tremendous blessing.