Day Thirty- Love Your Teens



When I was in college, I took an Adolescent Psychology class. Most of us were in our early to mid-twenties, but there was one “non-traditional” student who was particularly annoying. She was the mother of three teenagers and readily admitted on the first day that she took this class with the hope that it might help her improve her parenting skills. She always had something to say, usually completely off-topic. One day, about half-way through the semester, she had an emotional breakdown in class.  As she was crying, she told us of some of her struggles with her kids. The professor, who wasn’t much of a touchy-feely, carey-sharey type, let her talk for a few minutes and then abruptly cut her off. He reminded her that this was primarily a course in adolescent theory, not a support group. However, he did offer her one piece of advice, “Go home and love your teens.”

I really didn’t know what that meant at the time. In fact, it seemed to me that he wasn’t very helpful to this poor woman at all. Little did I know that this piece of advice was actually quite sound.

When my oldest daughter was about to enter her teens, I asked my oldest brother if he had any advice.  He was in the midst of parenting his fourth teenager at the time, so I thought he might have some insight. He gave me three nuggets of wisdom regarding the care and feeding of teens: (1) keep them well-fed and well-rested, (2) be available to talk with them whenever they want to talk, and (3) let them know how much you love them.  If you can take care of these 3 areas, then everything else will work itself out.

Such simple advice, in fact it almost seemed too easy. But, as we headed into those teen years with our girls, it quickly became clear that my big brother knew exactly what he was talking about! Crankiness and/or extreme drama is almost always a result of one of these areas needing attention. They need to eat (or eat something more nutritious), they need to sleep, they need to talk about something that is bothering them (usually very late at night), or they just need to know that they are loved unconditionally- there is nothing they can do to make us love them more or less (lots of grace).

This is what my professor was talking about when he said to love your teens. Nurture them, spend time with them, be affectionate towards them, listen to them, and cheer them on! Teenagers aren’t scary; rather, they are often scared and need to know that we are there for them. Parents, love your teens!