Day Twenty-Five- Be True to Your Own Heart

Do you suffer from the disease to please? Some of the symptoms include: consistently putting the needs and desires of others ahead of your own, constantly seeking validation from others, difficulty saying “no” to others, extreme sensitivity to criticism, and a willingness to avoid confrontation at any cost. If any of this sounds familiar, then you just might be a people pleaser. I, myself, am a recovering people pleaser. You are not alone!

People pleasers are some of the nicest, most caring people you will ever meet. They are also exhausted, fearful, and totally stressed out! All of that making other people happy at the expense of you takes quite a toll on a person. Living a life that is driven by obligation and over commitment is terribly unfulfilling. If you are indeed a people pleaser, then it is time to reevaluate and make some changes.

Learn to say “no”

People pleasers really want to keep everyone else happy. They will do just about anything, including putting others’ needs above their own basic legitimate needs. They so desperately want the approval of others that they will sacrifice their own lives to get it. This leads to frustration, depression, and burnout. Instead of always saying “yes,” it is time for you to just say “no!” It is difficult at first, because people pleasers do not want to seem lazy or selfish, but saying “no” is a vital life skill. Say it with conviction and without excuses. Remember, you always have a choice. Learn to walk in that freedom.

Create appropriate boundaries

People pleasers are easy to manipulate. Boundaries bring protection, so start putting some into place. Set your priorities and align your choices with those priorities. It’s okay to ask for time to think before making a commitment. Additionally, consider setting a time limit. For example, you might say “I’m available from 2:00 – 4:00pm” rather than leaving something open-ended. Perhaps you will need to tell others to call first before just coming over. Recognize that you cannot be everything to everyone! Once the boundaries are set, then follow through and enforce them. Begin to assert yourself and communicate your own needs. 

Do your own thing

People pleasers spend so much time trying to make others happy that they lose touch with themselves. Give yourself permission to do the things that you enjoy. Consider how you really want to spend your time. What brings you joy? What energizes you? What are you passionate about and what can you do today to pursue that passion? I am not suggesting that you swing completely in the opposite direction and become totally self-centered. I am saying that it is time for you to be true to your own heart. 

Don’t spend your life trying to please others. Choose to live a life that is pleasing to God. Pursue those desires that He has placed in your heart and allow Him to direct your path.