Do you suffer from the disease to please? Some of the
symptoms include: consistently putting the needs and desires of others ahead of
your own, constantly seeking validation from others, difficulty saying “no” to
others, extreme sensitivity to criticism, and a willingness to avoid
confrontation at any cost. If any of this sounds familiar, then you just might
be a people pleaser.
People pleasers are some of the nicest, most caring people
you will ever meet. They are also exhausted, fearful, and totally stressed out!
All of that making other people happy at the expense of you takes quite a toll
on a person. Living a life that is driven by obligation and over commitment is
terribly unfulfilling. If you are indeed a people pleaser, then it is time to
reevaluate and make some changes.
Learn to say “no”
People pleasers really want to keep everyone else happy. They
will do just about anything, including putting others’ needs above their own basic
legitimate needs. They so desperately want the approval of others that they
will sacrifice their own lives to get it. This leads to frustration,
depression, and burnout. Instead of always saying “yes,” it is time for you to
just say “no!” It is difficult at first, because people pleasers do not want to
seem lazy or selfish, but saying “no” is a vital life skill. Say it with
conviction and without excuses. Remember, you always have a choice. Learn to
walk in that freedom.
Create appropriate boundaries
People pleasers are easy to manipulate. Boundaries bring
protection, so start putting some into place. Set your priorities and align
your choices with those priorities. It’s okay to ask for time to think before
making a commitment. Additionally, consider setting a time limit. For example,
you might say “I’m available from 2:00 – 4:00pm” rather than leaving something
open-ended. Perhaps you will need to tell others to call first before just
coming over. Recognize that you cannot be everything to everyone! Once the
boundaries are set, then follow through and enforce them. Begin to assert
yourself and communicate your own needs.
Do your own thing
People pleasers spend so much time trying to make others
happy that they lose touch with themselves. Give yourself permission to do the
things that you enjoy. Consider how
you really want to spend your time. What brings you joy? What energizes you? What
are you passionate about and what can you do today to pursue that passion? I am
not suggesting that you swing completely in the opposite direction and become totally self-centered. I am saying that it is time for you to be true to
your own heart.
Don’t spend your life trying to please others. Let go of all
of that and choose to live a life that is pleasing to God. Pursue those desires
that He has placed in your heart and allow Him to direct your path.
“Am I now trying to
win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people?
If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
~Galatians 1:10
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