Day Seventeen- Make Good Choices

The 2003 remake of the movie Freaky Friday with Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan has been a family favorite for several years now.  The movie begins with the typical crazy morning rush to get the family out the door and off to school and work.  As the mom is dropping off her teenage daughter at school, she calls out the window after her, “Make good choices!”  The daughter sighs and rolls her eyes as she is walking towards the building.

After we had seen this movie for the first time, I would often say this phrase to my girls (sort of in a teasing manner) when dropping them off at school.  One day they turned the tables on me and called out “Make good choices, Mom!” as they walked away from the car. Classic parenting moment!

Even though we were having fun quoting a movie, it was important to me that they understand the power of their choices and the resulting consequences.  Teaching this concept really requires an on-going conversation that begins when kids are really young. Most of us do this without really thinking about it. “Don’t touch the stove- it’s hot and you will get burned.” “Be careful when crossing the street, or you will get hit by a car.” “Stay with me while we’re in the mall, or you will get lost.”

We also teach this concept through the process of discipline.  Obedience brings a reward, but disobedience brings a negative consequence.  We encourage our kids to make good choices so they will avoid unwanted consequences.  Some choices are short-lived in their impact, while others have longer-lasting, more serious (sometimes life-changing) consequences.  For example, choosing to not clean your room carries different consequences than choosing to text while driving and having an accident that injures or even kills someone.

A critical part of this discussion with our children needs to focus on the idea that our choices affect other people, not just us. A great way to illustrate this is by playing a game of checkers.  The first player’s move (choice) on the board influences the move (choice) that the second player will make.  As the game continues, the players often fall victim to unwanted consequences as a result of each other’s moves (choices).   Recognizing the potential impact of their choices will hopefully help our kids make better decisions.

“Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!” ~Deuteronomy 30:19

Let’s give our children the tools they need to make life-giving choices!

 

Day Fifteen- Discipline That Makes Sense

O-B-E-Y obey your mom and dad;

O-B-E-Y it makes them very glad.

Listen to the words they say,

obey your parents every day;

O-B-E-Y obey your mom and dad.

We used to sing this song every day with our girls when they were little (and on a few occasions as a good reminder even when they were not so little). 

Parents, why is it so important that our children obey us?  Well, an obvious reason is to keep them safe.  Additionally, it is also important for our kids to learn to submit to authority because they will have numerous situations in their lives where they will need to- think of teachers, coaches, police officers, employers, etc.  Also, if we want to raise children who will live lives submitted to God (who isn’t physically tangible), then we want them to learn to obey their parents (who are physically tangible).

Countless books and volumes of research have been published on the subject of discipline.  It can be quite confusing and extremely complicated.  Here are just a few things that have served me well in raising my children:

*Make your expectations clear and concise. (“Bobby, please pick up all of the Legos and put them away in the Lego bin.”)

*Immediately reward appropriate behavior using whatever method works for you. This might include: praise (“Good work! Thank-you, Bobby.), earning a sticker on a reward chart, or earning a privilege (like 15 minutes of video game time).  You might use a combination of these, but try to keep it simple.

*Give a consequence for inappropriate behavior, again using the method of your choice.  This might include: time-out (one minute per year of age of child), nothing earned for reward chart, no earned privilege or even loss of privilege (“Since you didn’t clean up the Legos like I asked, then you will not be able to play with them for x amount of time.”).

*Make sure that the punishment fits the crime- not too harsh or too lenient.

*Natural consequences usually work best. For example, if the child makes a mess, then they need to clean it up.  Consider what is age-appropriate- a 3 year old can’t mop the floor, but they can pick up toys and put them in a bin. 

*Setting a timer to have them “beat the clock” can be a great motivating tool when completing tasks.

*Remember, the goal isn’t to control our children; rather, we want them to learn to control themselves.  Disciplining your child can be very challenging and stressful- give yourself a time-out if necessary!

* Be consistent!  This is the most important aspect of discipline, and often the most difficult.  Hang in there, it will be worth it in the end!

The Word of God reveals a wonderful promise for those who honor their parents:

“Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.”” ~Ephesians 6:1-3

Of course we want our children to “live long and prosper” (great words from the Vulcan Spock, not to be confused with the child-rearing expert Dr. Spock).  Let’s help them by teaching them to be obedient!