Pain and Gratitude: An Unlikely Pair

I haven’t been to this blog spot of mine for quite some time. It’s been almost a year. Why? Well, it’s not because I’ve been traveling the world. Or consumed with some great humanitarian effort. To be honest, I haven’t been writing here because this shingles business has been kicking my rear end! Apparently I am one of the lucky few who suffer from postneuropathic pain due to shingles. It affects my left lower back and wraps around my left side under my rib cage. It feels like I’m being stabbed with a hot poker while my skin is on fire and my rib is broken.

There is no treatment and the only effective pain management tool that works for me is sitting with an ice pack on the affected area until it gets numb. I experienced nerve pain for several months prior to having any blisters, so I am now about 21 months into this whole chronic pain experience. And it is NO FUN!!!!!!

I am in awe of those who are able to chronicle their own battles with illness and pain. I have made some lame attempts, only to give up and close my laptop. But I am finally here today because I have learned a lot about pain over the last several months that I think could be helpful to others, both patients and caregivers.

So, here are some truths that I have discovered about pain:

Pain is Distracting 

It is so very hard to focus on anything else when you are in pain. Even simple, routine tasks can be difficult and exhausting to complete. At times it can be challenging to maintain any kind of train of thought. I am continually making myself lists of things I need to do because I will get distracted and forget them if I don’t. It is so challenging to stay focused enough to even pray when there is overwhelming pain. Hurting people need devoted intercessors to stand with them and hold them up. 

Pain is Isolating 

When you are in pain, it is so hard to get motivated to do anything. To go anywhere. And especially, to see other people. Pain makes others uncomfortable. They don’t know what to say or do, so weird stuff happens that doesn’t make anyone feel any better.

There are the “fixers” who are always making suggestions about possible treatment strategies. While I can appreciate their desire to find a solution for me, this just gets annoying and exhausting after a while. I get it. Knowing that someone is in pain brings about feelings of helplessness. You feel helpless, I feel helpless, so just let me know that you care.  

There are the “avoiders.” These folks just find it easier to stay away than to deal with a potentially uncomfortable situation. I understand it. I’ve even done it! But there is nothing worse than feeling totally abandoned when you are hurting.

There are the “over-sharers” who feel compelled to relate every horror story they know about people with a similar ailment. It is not helpful, nor is it encouraging to know that your loved-one dealt with shingles pain for 10 years!

There are the people of faith who said they would pray for me initially and then seem genuinely irritated that I still need prayer because I’m still in pain. Perhaps they are just frustrated that healing hasn’t manifested, but it feels like they are disappointed with me and that I am a bother. So I withdraw and isolate myself from those who would cause me more pain.

No one likes to be around a constant complainer, but I have a renewed compassion for those who speak out about their pain. When you are hurting, especially when it’s chronic, you don’t want to be forgotten.  You want to be heard and to be validated. A hurting person just needs to know that someone cares.

Pain is Fear-Inducing 

While pain is unpleasant, it is also just a symptom. It alerts us to something that needs our attention. If your hand is touching a hot surface, pain will alert you to remove your hand as soon as possible. When pain remains unresolved, it can create all kinds of fear and doubt. Is the diagnosis correct or is there something even more serious happening in my body? What if this never gets better? Is this my new normal? Does anyone care about me? Does God care about me? Does He really want me healed and whole? Am I going to be just another statistic? Fear stomps out faith, crushes hope, and steals joy. 

Pain interferes with Purpose 

When you are distracted, isolated, and fearful, it is next to impossible to passionately pursue your purpose. It is hard to think about purpose when all you want is relief! You begin saying things like, “When I feel better, then I will …” “After I get through this…” “When I’m healed…” But when days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into months, it is so easy to stop thinking about purpose and just settle for survival. 

Dealing with Pain 

Last week a friend of mine asked me how I have been able to deal with various difficulties in my life. Pain, loss, disappointment, failure, etc. My first response was that I have learned the importance of giving myself time. Time to rest, to grieve, to process, to forgive. Time to gain a new perspective.

The second part of my answer was that I have learned the value of gratitude. Practicing gratitude has helped me to regain focus when life gets blurry. Gratitude strengthens my faith and reminds me of my purpose. Gratitude causes me to look beyond my circumstances, to see abundance rather than lack. And it is gratitude that has kept me going throughout this storm.

I wish I could tell you that being thankful is always my first response. It isn’t. I have to continually remind myself to “give thanks in all circumstances.” But when I do choose gratitude, somehow the burden is lighter, the sun shines brighter, and there is hope. There is peace. There is joy.

I don’t know how much longer this storm will last. I hope it will be over soon. Until then, I choose gratitude.

You are my God, and I will give thanks to you; you are my God; I will extol you. Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; for His steadfast love endures forever! ~ Psalm 118: 28-29