Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it
through anything in the One who makes me
who I am. ~Philippians 4:13 (MSG)
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
I Choose You
Like most little girls, I adored fairy tale romances. I dreamed of the day that I would meet my handsome prince who would carry me away to his castle and we would live happily ever after. I whole-heartedly embraced the notion that I would "fall in love" with the man of my dreams and everything would simply fall into place for the rest of our lives. I was also sure that in the midst of this there would be a well-placed musical number complete with a montage of our most romantic moments thus far. And so I waited for him to arrive...
My "once upon a time" began on my first date with David. We met while in college. He had been nominated for Homecoming King and several of the girls in my dorm, including me, were hoping to be his date for the dance. I was so excited when he asked me! I literally ran from room to room telling all the girls on my floor that he picked me. Although he did not win the crown, we had a wonderful evening together. I could feel myself "falling" for him.
Nine days later he proposed to me. Crazy? Crazy that he asked or crazy that I accepted? We barely knew each other, came from very different backgrounds, and we were incredibly young. We didn't have anything but each other. We realized very quickly that we were better together than we were alone, and so we set a wedding date for seven months later.
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| Young love |
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| The happy couple |
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| A kiss for luck & we're on our way... |
The wedding was beautiful and after stealing away for a week-long honeymoon, we set out to pursue our "happily ever after." My prince didn't exactly have a castle. Instead we lived in a tiny one-bedroom apartment in an on-campus married student housing complex. No servants or woodland creatures that could sing ever showed up. We spent our days going to class and working to make ends meet. There wasn't much arguing because we were never together long enough to start one! Being in love was wonderful, but kinda hard work.
It was in the first few months of wedded bliss that I learned something very important. Love is a choice. Doesn't sound nearly as romantic as the fairy tales promised, but it is the truth. Every day when I wake up I am met with this very decision- Will I love him today? I can honestly say that I have said "yes" to that question every day for the past 22 years that we have been together; however, some days are easier than others. And I'm sure he would say the same for me. I'm not always that loveable.
Over the years I have received many wonderful gifts on Valentine's Day. Flowers, candy, romantic dinners, weekend get-aways. I've even been serenaded by a barbershop quartet. But the greatest gift I could ever receive is being able to do life every day with my sweetheart. Each day is full of choices, some easy and some not-so-easy. Today, as we continue on in this journey of "happily ever after," I say again to this amazing husband, father, and man of God who holds my heart, I choose you!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Monday Musings
Out in my yard today... a balmy 51 degrees and sunny! A bit of a January thaw here. The landscape looks pretty desolate right now. Lots of brown.
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| our mulberry |
I'm grateful for... the sacrifices of those who have gone on before me. I am able to enjoy the life that I have because so many unselfish people made a way for me.
One of my favorite things... challenging myself to consider something from a different perspective. I'm not always successful, but I enjoy the challenge nevertheless.
This week I'm reading... actually I'm just finishing up In the Company of Others by Jan Karon. A recent book club pick, it has been a slower read compared to some of her other books. However, I simply adore Father Tim, so I will continue on to the end.
I'm looking forward to... Thursday and the start of our Moms Bible study group for this semester. For the next few weeks we will be focusing on the quality of our thoughts and how to passionately pursue our purpose.
Simple life tip for the week... "Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness." ~Martin Luther King, Jr.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Monday Musings
Out in my yard today... it is a sunny, but cold 22 degrees. Brrrrr! Thankfully the wind is not blowing.
I'm grateful for... the start of a new year, peppermint white mochas, and my fireplace.
One of my favorite things... sitting outside in our hot tub on a cold, clear night and looking up at the stars. As I look at those bright twinkles in the sky I am reminded that I am a part of something so much bigger than me.
This week I'm reading... Who Switched Off My Brain? controlling toxic thoughts and emotions by Dr. Caroline Leaf. I am continually amazed at the way God created the mind, body, and spirit to interact.
I'm looking forward to... getting back into a somewhat normal routine now that school has started again.
Simple life tip for the week... be realistic about what you can accomplish in one day.
I'm grateful for... the start of a new year, peppermint white mochas, and my fireplace.
One of my favorite things... sitting outside in our hot tub on a cold, clear night and looking up at the stars. As I look at those bright twinkles in the sky I am reminded that I am a part of something so much bigger than me.
This week I'm reading... Who Switched Off My Brain? controlling toxic thoughts and emotions by Dr. Caroline Leaf. I am continually amazed at the way God created the mind, body, and spirit to interact.
I'm looking forward to... getting back into a somewhat normal routine now that school has started again.
Simple life tip for the week... be realistic about what you can accomplish in one day.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
1.1.11
Fresh authentic grace
to focus, create, and live
with joy, thanks, and love.
Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished.~ Luke 1:45
to focus, create, and live
with joy, thanks, and love.
Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished.~ Luke 1:45
Monday, December 13, 2010
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?
I have a confession to make. Christmas is not my favorite time of the year. There. I said it. In some strange way it almost feels blasphemous. Will others consider me not to be a true Christian because I don't approach the season that celebrates the birth of our Savior with great joy and anticipation? However, I've been trying this new approach to life where I have to be honest with myself, so there you have it. Out in the open for all the world to see.
Why don't I love Christmas more than any other time? I ask myself this question every year as the season approaches and I begin to feel my chest tighten. Like so many issues, I suppose it began in my childhood. Christmas at my house was a season of stress, anxiety, and disappointment. My mother's mantra was "Let's just get through the holidays." This time of year was to be endured rather than enjoyed. I was greatly influenced by her attitude. While my friends were enjoying fabulous family vacations and opening all of the presents I was wishing for, but would never receive, I was counting the days until we could go back to school and get on with life.
After I got married and realized that Christmas was my husband's favorite time of year, I was determined to make our first holiday season together as perfect as possible. And it was pretty perfect. A beautiful tree, decorations everywhere, and lots of great presents. We managed to spend time with each of our families and everyone seemed happy. Maybe Christmas wasn't so bad after all.
Eighteen months later my mother suddenly died and I found myself drowning in an ocean of grief and pain. Nothing would ever be the same. A little black cloud hung over every holiday and special occasion for the next several years. My husband desperately tried to help me cope. "We need to develop our own traditions," he would say. And so I would try to celebrate, but most of the time I was simply numb.
A couple of years later our first child was born shortly before the beginning of the holiday season. She was the most extraordinary gift I had ever received. I told myself that I needed to genuinely embrace Christmas in light of the little blessing that had come into my life. There were still some tears, but I really tried to enjoy our baby's first Christmas to the fullest. Another baby's first Christmas came three years later with the arrival of our second daughter. Somehow I managed to survive.
Motherhood pushed my perfectionistic nature to higher heights than I'd ever experienced. The most painful manifestation of this always came during the holidays. The decorations, the food, the presents... it all needed to be absolutely perfect for my family. Combine this with my intense desire to please others, and you have an emotional disaster just waiting to happen. Which parties to attend + where to spend Christmas Eve + where to spend Christmas day = stressed and overwhelmed mommy! My sweet husband spent each year trying to hold us all together while I fell apart.
Just when I was beginning to feel like I was recovering from the loss of my mother, my father died. Constant waves of grief and pain all over again. I lost him a couple of months before Christmas that year and, once again, I knew that nothing would ever be the same. My dad had always seemed to enjoy Christmas and would try to lighten things up in spite of Mom's attitude. He would bring home chocolate-covered orange sticks and cordial cherries to share. He loved singing Christmas carols and was so proud of me when I learned to play them on the piano. Each Christmas Eve he would read the story of Jesus' birth from the book of Luke and then recite "The Night Before Christmas" before tucking me into bed. How could there be Christmas without my dad? I struggled once more to create the perfect holiday in hopes that it would chase away the hurt. It didn't.
Each year I would put on a brave face and work hard to endure the holidays. I was pretty successful... until two years ago. I had lost my job that year and we were in financial dire straits. I knew that my teenagers were wishing for all of the expensive, electronic gadgets that their friends were sure to get. Meanwhile I was just hoping there would be something for them to open on Christmas morning. At the end of a very long week filled with school concerts and activities, I had the melt-down to top all melt-downs. (Did I mention that my hubby is a music teacher and Christmas is his busiest time of year?) Anyway, all of the stress and frustration came pouring out of me in one long, crazy, awful tantrum in front of my husband and children. I ranted on and on about all the reasons I didn't like Christmas, how I was tired of pretending, and how I wasn't sure I could bear any sort of celebration that year. After I was done and I saw the horrified expressions on the faces of my children, I immediately began to apologize and try to repair the damage I had done. Rather than judge me, my precious daughters put their arms around me and told me that they loved me. They said that they didn't realize Christmas was so hard for me and they offered to do whatever they could to make it easier. My husband smiled at me and told me it was going to be okay.
After taking a couple of days to process everything that had happened, I realized that I had a choice to make. Either continue on with this exhausting pattern of behavior or learn how to really enjoy Christmas. Since enjoyment beats exhaustion, I chose the latter. I went to the public library and checked out a stack of Christmas stories. I watched every Christmas movie and television special I could find. I listened to Christmas music as much as possible. I gave up all of my expectations for a perfect holiday, and I vowed to do only the stuff I really like. I stopped worrying about each gift and focused more on the fun traditions that we had established over the years. No more agonizing over family pictures and that annoying Christmas letter to include with the Christmas cards. I made a conscious decision to change my focus and I felt myself breathe in the true spirit of Christmas.
I still have my challenging "moments"... like whenever I hear Dad's favorite Christmas carol or when I set out the nativity that Mom gave me. But approaching the Christmas season no longer fills my heart with dread. While we were decorating our tree the other night I heard my youngest daughter say, "I just love Christmas." Joy and gratitude filled my heart. No, it's still not my most favorite, but it's in my top three!
Why don't I love Christmas more than any other time? I ask myself this question every year as the season approaches and I begin to feel my chest tighten. Like so many issues, I suppose it began in my childhood. Christmas at my house was a season of stress, anxiety, and disappointment. My mother's mantra was "Let's just get through the holidays." This time of year was to be endured rather than enjoyed. I was greatly influenced by her attitude. While my friends were enjoying fabulous family vacations and opening all of the presents I was wishing for, but would never receive, I was counting the days until we could go back to school and get on with life.
After I got married and realized that Christmas was my husband's favorite time of year, I was determined to make our first holiday season together as perfect as possible. And it was pretty perfect. A beautiful tree, decorations everywhere, and lots of great presents. We managed to spend time with each of our families and everyone seemed happy. Maybe Christmas wasn't so bad after all.
Eighteen months later my mother suddenly died and I found myself drowning in an ocean of grief and pain. Nothing would ever be the same. A little black cloud hung over every holiday and special occasion for the next several years. My husband desperately tried to help me cope. "We need to develop our own traditions," he would say. And so I would try to celebrate, but most of the time I was simply numb.
A couple of years later our first child was born shortly before the beginning of the holiday season. She was the most extraordinary gift I had ever received. I told myself that I needed to genuinely embrace Christmas in light of the little blessing that had come into my life. There were still some tears, but I really tried to enjoy our baby's first Christmas to the fullest. Another baby's first Christmas came three years later with the arrival of our second daughter. Somehow I managed to survive.
Motherhood pushed my perfectionistic nature to higher heights than I'd ever experienced. The most painful manifestation of this always came during the holidays. The decorations, the food, the presents... it all needed to be absolutely perfect for my family. Combine this with my intense desire to please others, and you have an emotional disaster just waiting to happen. Which parties to attend + where to spend Christmas Eve + where to spend Christmas day = stressed and overwhelmed mommy! My sweet husband spent each year trying to hold us all together while I fell apart.
Just when I was beginning to feel like I was recovering from the loss of my mother, my father died. Constant waves of grief and pain all over again. I lost him a couple of months before Christmas that year and, once again, I knew that nothing would ever be the same. My dad had always seemed to enjoy Christmas and would try to lighten things up in spite of Mom's attitude. He would bring home chocolate-covered orange sticks and cordial cherries to share. He loved singing Christmas carols and was so proud of me when I learned to play them on the piano. Each Christmas Eve he would read the story of Jesus' birth from the book of Luke and then recite "The Night Before Christmas" before tucking me into bed. How could there be Christmas without my dad? I struggled once more to create the perfect holiday in hopes that it would chase away the hurt. It didn't.
Each year I would put on a brave face and work hard to endure the holidays. I was pretty successful... until two years ago. I had lost my job that year and we were in financial dire straits. I knew that my teenagers were wishing for all of the expensive, electronic gadgets that their friends were sure to get. Meanwhile I was just hoping there would be something for them to open on Christmas morning. At the end of a very long week filled with school concerts and activities, I had the melt-down to top all melt-downs. (Did I mention that my hubby is a music teacher and Christmas is his busiest time of year?) Anyway, all of the stress and frustration came pouring out of me in one long, crazy, awful tantrum in front of my husband and children. I ranted on and on about all the reasons I didn't like Christmas, how I was tired of pretending, and how I wasn't sure I could bear any sort of celebration that year. After I was done and I saw the horrified expressions on the faces of my children, I immediately began to apologize and try to repair the damage I had done. Rather than judge me, my precious daughters put their arms around me and told me that they loved me. They said that they didn't realize Christmas was so hard for me and they offered to do whatever they could to make it easier. My husband smiled at me and told me it was going to be okay.
After taking a couple of days to process everything that had happened, I realized that I had a choice to make. Either continue on with this exhausting pattern of behavior or learn how to really enjoy Christmas. Since enjoyment beats exhaustion, I chose the latter. I went to the public library and checked out a stack of Christmas stories. I watched every Christmas movie and television special I could find. I listened to Christmas music as much as possible. I gave up all of my expectations for a perfect holiday, and I vowed to do only the stuff I really like. I stopped worrying about each gift and focused more on the fun traditions that we had established over the years. No more agonizing over family pictures and that annoying Christmas letter to include with the Christmas cards. I made a conscious decision to change my focus and I felt myself breathe in the true spirit of Christmas.
I still have my challenging "moments"... like whenever I hear Dad's favorite Christmas carol or when I set out the nativity that Mom gave me. But approaching the Christmas season no longer fills my heart with dread. While we were decorating our tree the other night I heard my youngest daughter say, "I just love Christmas." Joy and gratitude filled my heart. No, it's still not my most favorite, but it's in my top three!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Monday Musings
Out in my yard today... a very wet and rainy day. My thermometer says 40 degrees, a fairly warm day compared to what we've been having the last couple of weeks.
I'm grateful for... the extra bit of time I've had lately to work on some projects at home. I am a homebody and I love just puttering around the house.
One of my favorite things... Christmas lights! Any size, shape, or color- I really enjoy seeing all of the lights at this time of the year.
This week I'm reading... Knit the Season by Kate Jacobs. This is book three in her Friday Night Knitting Club series. A good Christmas story is a must for me each year and I like this author's manner of storytelling.
I'm looking forward to... attending my daughter's high school choir Christmas concert tomorrow evening. She loves to perform and I know that she will light up the stage. I always enjoy hearing the sounds of the season.
Simple life tip for the week... spending time is a greater gift than spending money, so stop worrying about finding the perfect gift and spend some quality time with the ones you love!
The rain is slowly melting away all of the snow.
Here is my front door looking very festive.
I'm grateful for... the extra bit of time I've had lately to work on some projects at home. I am a homebody and I love just puttering around the house.
One of my favorite things... Christmas lights! Any size, shape, or color- I really enjoy seeing all of the lights at this time of the year.
This week I'm reading... Knit the Season by Kate Jacobs. This is book three in her Friday Night Knitting Club series. A good Christmas story is a must for me each year and I like this author's manner of storytelling.
I'm looking forward to... attending my daughter's high school choir Christmas concert tomorrow evening. She loves to perform and I know that she will light up the stage. I always enjoy hearing the sounds of the season.
Simple life tip for the week... spending time is a greater gift than spending money, so stop worrying about finding the perfect gift and spend some quality time with the ones you love!
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